Dying to Self

I am doing the study of John in Bible Study Fellowship this year. It is my second time to do this particular study. The first time was seven years ago. I was a children's leader in the night BSF class, taught this study of John to 5th and 6th graders. I taught it, I had to prepare a twenty minute lecture every other week, I sat in leader's meeting every Friday morning at 5am and listened to godly women share how God was revealing Himself and working in their lives as a result of the time they spent in John. Yet I do not remember any of what I am learning this time around. I know they have not revised the questions or the notes that much. It has made me often ponder "How could I have missed all of this the first time around?" The message that Jesus did the will of the one who sent him every minute of every day, he always submitted to His Father's will and not His own has been clearly evident in every single lesson. God had a specific plan for His Son, and Jesus fulfilled that plan. Jesus fulfilled His Father's will each and every day of His life. God's will colored His every thought, every interaction, every decision. Jesus is our example, He is my example. God has a specific plan for me, He has good works plan in advance for me to do and if I do those good works, the ones He has planned for me I will be blessed abundantly. Every minute of every day Jesus was focus on God's Will not His own. Every minute of every day I need to be focused on God's Will for my life not my own. I now realize the difference between doing good works and doing the good works God has planned for me. I now realize that I need to be prayerful and allow the Holy Spirit to lead me to the works God wants me to do every minute of every day. I want the abundant life that Jesus came to give to me. Jesus' desire for me to experience this abundance was so great, He died on a cross so I could have it. The way to obtain this abundant life is by dying to self. Just like a kernel of wheat must die in order to produce many seeds, I must die so that the Holy Spirit may fully indwell in my heart and produce it's fruit that will shine the light of Jesus into the world. Dying to self, that is what I was unwilling to do seven years ago. Why? I was unwilling to give up my selfish, sinful desires. Oh, I justified them, rationalized them. But in reality I was not willing to even consider giving them up. As a result my eyes were shut and my ears were closed and I was unable to see, hear or understand many beautiful things The Word had to share. I missed out on abundant life. I do not want to miss out any longer. I want the abundant life and now I am willing to die to myself. I am willing and praying that God will show me the sin in my life that I need to repent of and get rid of so that it will not be an obstacle. I do not want my eyes and ears to be closed. I want to be His hands and feet, I want to be a life that leads, I pray the world will see more of you and less of me. Lord, I want my life to be the song You sing! I want to live a better story. Thank you for Your patience, Your love, Your mercy and Your grace. I continue to be amazed and overwhelmed when I am truthful to myself and realize how sinful I am. I will never understand how you could love me so, but I am so grateful that you do. Today, help me to empty myself of me and allow You to fill my heart. It is only by the grace of Your Son, Amen.