Chain Breaker

 There is a song by Zach Williams called “Chain Breaker.”  There are a couple of lines that explain the struggle I have felt with my bitterness and anger:

If you’ve been walking the same old road for miles and miles

If you’ve been hearing the same old voice tell the same old lies

If you’re trying to feel the same old holes inside

There’s a better life

There’s a better life

If you’ve got pain

He’s a pain taker

If you feel lost

He’s a way maker

If you need freedom or saving

He’s a prison-shaking Savior

If you’ve got chains

He’s a chain breaker

We’ve all search for the light of day in the dead of night

We’ve all found ourselves worn out from the same old fight

We’ve all run to things we know just ain’t right

And there’s a better life

There’s a better life

I feel like I have been on the same old road for miles and miles.  I find myself worn out from the same old fight.  I feel like I have spent years in the ring wrestling with the Lord about my bitterness and anger.  I knew that there is a better life.  I know He wants me to lay it down.  I know this is not what He wants for me.  I know this bitterness and anger is not from Him.  I have spent so much time in tears crying out to Him.  I have spent years on my knees praying specifically about my bitterness and anger.  I do not want to feel this way.  I know the Lord does not want me to feel this way.  

I spent 15 plus years wrestling with the Lord over my anger and bitterness giving Him an itemized, long list of all the reasons I was justified in my anger and bitterness. The reasons for my feelings were real and just.  I had not realized that they had become a chain in my life.  Over time the chain became heavier and more binding.

One Step Away

Casting Crowns

Lay down, lay down your old chains

Come now, and take up your new name

Your best life up ahead now

You're one step away

Oh My Soul

Casting Crowns

Oh, my soul

You are not alone

There's a place where fear has to face the God you know

One more day, He will make a way

Let Him show you how, you can lay this down

'Cause you're not alone

How do I lay down my anger and bitterness?  I have wanted to for years.  I had long ago given up the wrestling match.  I was still in the ring, I was still circling around in the ring with Jesus, but I could not figure out how to “Lay it down” and get out of the ring entirely.  I really thought this was something I would have to “just deal with” for the rest of my days.  

My way to deal with these feelings can best be described by how the kitchen trash can works in my household.  When we have things we want to throw away, we put it in the trash can.  It doesn’t take long before the trash can gets full and needs to be taken out.  Yet, no one wants to take out the trash.  So instead we push down the trash so we can fit in more trash. Then there comes a point when you can no longer push the trash down so we just put the trash on top. But even then there comes a point where not one more piece of trash will fit in the trash can and ends up on the floor.  At our house the trash gets to this point often before we break down and take out the trash. This is what I did when feelings of anger and bitterness would arise, I would throw them in the trash can.  However, the trash can never got emptied, not because I did not want to empty the trash can but because I did not know how. I remember the breaking point when I could no longer place one more piece of trash on the can.  I was in my car, I got a text, and those feelings that I had been “dealing with” for years had no where to go.  The feelings I had been able to push down for years had no where to go.  I was amazed at how quickly the feelings of anger and bitterness were able to go from undisturbed to raging in a split second. It was ugly.

Let Him show you how, you can lay this down

Your best life up ahead now

You’re one step away

I was reading in my BSF Leader’s Folio: The Spiritual Growth of a Leader.  It talked about “Putting Off Specific Sins” by asking God to deliver you from the power of a specific sin. Tell Him you are through with that sin, and pray with confidence for victory. Christ’s death broke the power of that sin.  All the power of Christ’s death and resurrection will work within you to deliver you from that specific sin. 

I feel like I have been praying for years about “Putting Off” the sin of anger and bitterness. But what I had not done is the next step, “Putting on Christ’s Righteousness,” the righteousness of Christ that God credited to me.  

and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:24

The Folio goes on to say:

Never say about yourself and you sin, “This is just who I am.  I accept myself as I am.  Others will have to accept me as I am as well.”  Instead say, “This is who I was before God rescued me.  But now, by grace through faith, Jesus Christ has delivered me from the old life.  I am a new creation. Christ is within me.  Christ’s own character is available to me.”  Rather than focusing on your sin, focus on the attributes of Christ. (p.6)

I know what sin I want to “Put Off” but how do I “Put On” Christ’s Righteousness? 

I must choose to put on the particular characteristic of Christ that is the exact antithesis of the sin I want to put off. Then act as if Christ’s character is your own.  Obey as far as I know. Trust Him to give me all I need. Expect Him to live life through me as I deliberately depend on Him. God is faithful to His promises. You will begin to experience new thoughts and emotions that replace the old.  The Holy Spirit will enable you to do what you cannot do yourself. (p.6)

Then I read this:

Do hatred, coldness and indifference toward another person fill your heart?  Confess them and trust God’s forgiveness.  At the same time, by faith in Christ’s resurrection, put on His love,warmth and thoughtfulness toward that person.  For 30 days, thank God each day for something different about the person.  As you choose to show love to the person, you will begin to see that God changes your feelings toward the person. (p.6)

I had been wrestling with angry and bitterness for years.  I was worn out and tired.  I did not want to continue to fight, I did not want to put another piece of trash in the can, I did not want to be a slave to these chains any longer.  I do not think I had progressed to the point of hatred, however, if I continued to deal with my anger and bitterness in my own strength by trying to bury it in the trash and never emptying it I was on my way to hatred. I wanted to lay down this old chain and I really was just one step away.  He did show me how to lay this sin of anger and bitterness down.  I began to pray that the Lord would put HIS love, warmth and thoughtfulness in my heart instead of my anger and bitterness.  And I experienced something I did not know was possible. The chain of anger and bitterness that had become such a burden, that had become all consuming, that had become something I could no longer ignore or push away, that I thought was just part of who I was, that I thought I would just have to deal with the rest of my days, it was broken. I began to notice that God changed my feelings. The circumstances that would normally cause the anger and bitterness to rise were replaced with His love and warmth.

My outward circumstances that caused my anger and bitterness did not change.  The things that would cause the anger and bitterness to rise were still there.  But I had changed.  The Lord changed me.  It was no longer my old self.  

Lay down, lay down your old chains

Come now, and take up your new name

Your best life up ahead now

You're one step away

The Lord showed me how to lay down my old chains and take up my new name.  

The Lord has freed me from the power of the sin of anger and bitterness.  Satan is not pleased.  I still feel him trying his hardest to get me back to the place where I am in the ring wrestling with the Lord, to the place where I just push it down in the trash can, but to no avail.  I have been set free, I feel it.  I am changed.  I am new.  I am getting to see the Lord breath on my dry bones and bring them back to life.  I am seeing His beauty where there was ash and stone.  My best life is up  ahead now and it is amazing!