Share Day

Yesterday was share day at BSF. I have always gone, but never shared, until yesterday. I knew God was calling me to share, but I am not sure I would have ever done it on my own. It took the courage of a lady in my group for me to go to the front. We will call the lady D. The background information is as follows.

When I was an assistant principal, one of my many encounters with parents was with D. D was the parent of an older son, and a set of twins. I had worked with D on many occasions with one of her twins. Those encounters were always positive. Toward the end of my four years the other twin made a poor decision which resulted in a harsh punishment. That encounter with D was not positive. That was my last encounter with D, her twins graduated from my school and moved on to the next school. I typically do not dwell on interactions with parents. As an assistant principal, I unfortunately deal with parents and teens at their lowest point. I am the face of that bad time. Seeing me often brings them back to that painful time. Usually I do not dwell on those encounters. Years later when I run into someone outside of school, I remember none of the painful memories. But there are a few interactions I do remember, and the last one with D is one of them. I had replayed it in my mind many times. Would I have said things differently? Was there a better way to handle the situation? I do not remember the punishment. I remember being sad. I remember being worried about the child who had made the poor choice. I felt bad my last interaction with the sweet woman ended with a bitter taste.

Fast forward several years. I had my two children. I was no longer working. I was attending the BSF day class. I ran into D in the hallway one Wednesday morning. In my mind, I went back to that last time in my office. I had a feeling she did too. There was NO one else around. I could not hide, but I knew I was not high on her list to see or talk to. We were both polite and exchanged pleasantries and went on our way.

Fast Forward to August of 2010. I went to Donna Wilbanks house to pick up my list of women for my discussion group. While I had been a BSF leader for many years, this was my first year to be a discussion group leader. It felt like the first day of school, getting to see who would be in my group. Would I know anyone? As I perused down my list of ladies, my heart dropped when I saw D's name on my list. I was fine with her being in my group, but felt she might not be fine being in a group with me. I was unsure of what to do. Should I say something to Donna?

Through the study of John I have been convinced without a doubt that God's plan will prevail. Man cannot thwart His plan. For that I am grateful. I have been in BSF long enough (and have participated in helping to place women into groups) to know human hands may place women into groups, but it is God who divinely assigns the women to the place He wants them to be. It is not chance or luck, it is God.

I had Kennedy with me that day at Donna's. Kennedy can be beastly at times, but this day she was particularly difficult and unruly. I was not able to stay and enjoy the coffee and fellowship at Donna's. I had to get my list and go because of Kennedy. Because of Kennedy, I could not have talked to Donna even if I had wanted to. I went to my car and I prayed about how to handle the situation. Looking back, I see it as part of His plan.

When you get your list of women, you are to call them, introduce yourself, let them know they have been placed in your group, and make sure they are still wanting to be in the study. So I made my calls. When I called D, I was hoping she would not recognize my married name. (I had dealt with her mostly when I was single.) She did not answer, so I left a message. I did not hear back from her. I went to Class Workshop, received further instructions about our calling. I still said nothing to Donna. I called D again, she did not answer, I left a message. I went to our first leader's meeting. I received further instructions about how to handle women we had not heard from. I called D again, she did not answer, I left a message. On the Tuesday before our first BSF meeting, I had a message on my from from D saying she had not been sure if she would be able to come this year but she would be there on Wednesday. I was so excited and relieved to hear that she would be coming.

On our first class day, I was nervous. We did not have a lesson to go over, we spent our time going around the circle telling about ourselves, our families, and how we came to BSF. When it was D's turn I tried to be as kind and positive as possible. We finished the first class day and went down to lecture. I breathed a sigh of relief.

BSF had not started their under 2 program yet. Since Kennedy's 2nd birthday was the Thursday after our first BSF meeting and she could not attend until she was officially 2, I had to take Kennedy to a babysitter for the first class day. After lecture I was in a bit of a rush to pick up Presley in the children's program and then to go pick up Kennedy at Mrs. Campbell's house. As I am walking toward the children's area, I hear someone call my name. I stop and turn around and see that it is D. I know I looked rushed. D said she had wanted to talk to me, but it looked like it may not be a good time. I felt terrible. I wondered if I should have slowed down and taken the time to talk to her right then. I felt the struggle inside. But deep down I knew what she wanted to talk about, I knew it did not need to be a rushed conversation, I knew I would have a hard time fully concentrating on her because I would be worrying about my children. We agreed that I would give her a call. Looking back, I believe delaying the conversation was a part of God's plan. D would need to have a conversation with her brother before she talked with me.

I called D the next day. She did not answer, I left a message. I called her again on Tuesday when I made my phone calls to all of my ladies. She did not answer, I left her a message. I knew she would not be in class the next day. She had told me her brother would be in town for the day only and she would be spending time with him. I waited until the next Tuesday to call D again, but this time I chose to text her instead. This is what I wrote:
"Debbie, it is DeAnne Thomas from BSF. Just wanted to touch base with you.
Would love to talk to you. Call me if you have a chance."

This time I heard a response,
"Hi Deann. Sorry we are out of town. I will call You tomorrow if ok. Thanks. D"

She did call me the next day, but I was not home. I saw her on Wednesday in class.
I had a double group because one of the other leaders was out. When group was over and we were about to head back for lecture, D asked if I had a few minutes. We were able to talk. She shared with me that she was not sure if she was going to be able to be in my group. Because of our last encounter with her child six years earlier she had been harboring anger towards me. When she saw me in the foyer the semester before and realized I was in the same BSF class with her, she had talked with her brother and former leader over the summer telling them she thought she would need to quit BSF because she did not think she could sit in the same group with me and share. Her former leader encouraged her to stay in. Her brother's response was, "You know what is going to happen don't you? She is going to be in your group!" When she met with this brother the week before and told him not only was I in her group I was her leader, he was not surprised at all. Her brother asked what she wanted to say to me, what she wanted to happen. D did not know the answer. But in talking to me, she felt a load lifted. We both shed tears, we hugged. I told her I did not want to be a stumbling block for her, but I did not want her to quit BSF. If she felt she needed to move to another group I would understand. We talked about how Satan did not want her to be here to hear God's Word, but it was important for her to be here. D did not grow up in a church hearing God's Word. She just started to study God's Word in BSF just a year earlier. D agreed that she did need to be at BSF and in God's Word. We agreed to be praying about the situation.

D decided to stay in my group. She was such a blessing. She needed to be here. She had some difficult family struggles this year. She needed to know she had the support and prayers of the women in our group. One of the more mature Christian women in our group took D under her wing. What a blessing to watch.

D was so kind. Sending me sweet texts about how much she appreciated me. She gave my girls an Easter gift (a sweet book about Easter eggs and resurrection eggs). She wrote me a sweet note at the end of the year. She shared her story at our last fellowship and many in the group encouraged her to share it on share day. D said she did not think she could. I told her I would be happy to stand with her if she chose to share.

D courageously chose to share her struggle and how God was victorious. I was humbled that she asked me to stand with her. God is so good to restore. It is only God. Not by might, not by power, but by thy Spirit!

D was divinely placed in my group for a reason. Not just for her, but for me. If D had chosen not to come, not to talk to me, she would never had experienced the joy that comes with geniune forgiveness. If I had chosen to talk to Donna when I realized D was in my group and asked for her to be moved to another group, I would have prohibited the work God wanted to do in my heart and in D's. Instead, both of us chose to abide in the Lord and His provision, His grace, His mercy and were able to experience His Hand at work in us. An unbelievable and life-changing experience. I am thankful He allowed me to be a part!